I paced around for about an hour today, while my mom was watching tennis. I kept walking into the living room and back out because I didn't know what to do.
I'm not used to having artistic freedom. This is what's making me so insane. This is why I can't just paint what I want to. I hate it. I'm so used to having guidelines from AP Art, or a photo to paint from for somebody. It's fucking pathetic. I can't stand it.
I don't know what I want. How am I supposed to be an artist when I can't even think of something by myself? I'm very scared right now. What if I'm just a copy machine? Is that what it's come to now? What the fuck am I doing?? I don't understand this. I need to go somewhere where I can be inspired to create something original. I want to. I'm desperate.
Ionut, let's start that art challenge.
I'm falling behind. I need to get back on track. Damn those fucking open houses. Too much fantastic, wonderful, delicious food. Fuckity fuck face.
I really don't know what to do anymore. Life feels like it's just a continuous circle right now. Every week is the same exact thing. I can't take it. Everything's already been done. There's nothing new. Goddamnit.
Babysitting. Meredith and the Schillings. If Beth doesn't put that fucking price back up to $50, I don't know what I'll do. I'm sure I could find tons more babysitting jobs if I look. I wouldn't be entirely disappointed if I gave up looking after these three kids. I can honestly say I wouldn't miss them. Sad. But true. After all, I've only babysat them twice. So whatever. If it doesn't work out, then fine. But there's no way in hell I'm babysitting three kids for $4.70 and hour.
I don't have anything to say anymore. That's how much shit is going on in my life right now. Exactly. None. I have to find something to do or else I'm really going to drive myself crazy. Maybe that'll be more interesting than now. Howard Hughes, want some more quarantine???